Chemist jokes

Question: What do you do with a dead chemist?
Answer: Barium.

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

Question: Why do chemists prefer nitrates?
Answer: Because they're cheaper than day rates.

Question: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
Answer: A ferrous wheel.

Question: Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?
Answer: To reduce his carbon footprint.

Three short chemist jokes:

As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up:
Anions aren't negative, they're just misunderstood.

The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.